I've been thinking for awhile about what I wanted to write in regards to all that's been happening since the Fall semester started.
I was going to write a recap of my semester - about how surprised I was by the results of my project, the analysis I put myself under during the design process, and the unexpected spiritual undertakings I experienced through it all.
Then Sandy Hook happened. I didn't really realize how "different" this horrific event was until I encountered my parent friends. You see, it was finals week when it happened. A classmate of mine mentioned it very briefly in the computer lab one day. "Did you guys hear about Connecticut?" With a somber reply, the guy next to me said, "...yea." "It's so sad!" my classmate replied. As someone who does not watch, read, or listen to the news, I had do idea what they were talking about. I inquired a little while trying to brighten up the rendering I was working on. I found out that another shooting took place, at an elementary school this time, but asked no further questions. I had never known how to initially react to these kinds of tragedy. I was truly shocked to find out that it was an elementary school this time, but genuineness sadness had never been my first response. For me, it's always discomfort and awkwardness. The conversation quickly died down and we all resumed working.
Project for Construction Detailing: Staircase Design
When it finally occurred to me how devastating the Sandy Hook shooting was, I think I was more upset by how oblivious, self-absorbed, and disengaged I was rather than actually hurting for the lost lives and the whole incident itself. Having lived in my own dungeon for weeks and already without sleep several days prior to finals, the sense of shock - let alone the idea of mourning - was really difficult to conjure up from my weak condition. It didn't help either when I received an e-mail that weekend saying that a student from school died from a shooting when he went home for break. I was greatly annoyed and angered by this. "Why can't I ever be sincerely sad?" I often asked myself. Thank God for good friends that was around me!
That Sunday, we cared and prayed for Newtown, CT. Together, we sought after God in the moment of despair. My GC family helped me remember that God was in more pain and loved all the victims infinitely more than their own parents and family. They reminded me that God was appalled by the great evil that was committed. They helped me remember to see beyond circumstances, beyond raw emotions and human inquiry. They reminded me to mourn for God's loved ones and hate the Adversary (School Shootings and Spiritual Warfare by Dr. Russell Moore). Most importantly, they reminded me why I was to mourn, to pray, and to hope.
'[Since] it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy."' - 1 Peter 1:16
Free-Hand Conceptual Sketches
2012 had been a year of mourning for me in some ways. The end of my parents' almost-thirty-year marriage tops it all for the most difficult and painful event of my 2012 for sure, but there was a lot of "dying to oneself" situations as well.
As I reflect, I feel like I may be coming to an end of my "running away" season with God (which is something major to rejoice about actually). My two-year rebellion overseas and the past two years of dealing with the repercussions of my rebellion have come full circle after all. After my parents' divorce, God had really been narrowing in on tackling my own sins in the latter half of 2012. Though graciously giving me new friendships and circumstances, I was not exactly comfortable with His new arrangements for me, more so than usual. By mid-November, God seriously reveled to me a root to all my agony over the past twenty years (slightly over exaggerating, but not that far off). Then came December, with unending stress and a weak body, I was simply miserable (let's just say, my parents' divorce didn't even get me that depressed). Of course, God being God, He graciously showed me His sovereignty continuously, and blessed me with sisters to remind me of His faithfulness consistently. Now that I am more rested and slightly more "sober-minded" (no longer suffering from my self-diagnosed vertigo symptoms), I can sincerely say my heart's desire right now is aligned with 1 Peter 2:1-3:
"Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."
Final Project: First Floor - Plan
All in all, I can honestly say it's been a hellish year; and yet I can genuinely say, God is good. Don't get me wrong, my fears and anxieties still remain but I think I may be finally convinced that my efforts to disregard God in my life will go in vain; and the longer I push back, the more I'll suffer. So might as well cut it out and get my act together now, no? :)
Final Project: Lobby "Elevation" Rendering
And so, now begins another chapter of my life - if not, at least a new year with an obedient heart that's ready for it (I think). I find great comfort in the family, friends, and community that God has blessed me with though. With that in mind, I believe it's going to be a good year. Wishing you all the most absolute best this new year!
Happy 2013!
Final Project: Lobby
Final Project: Lounge
Final Project: Hallway (Looking into piano bar)
Final Project: Piano Bar
Final Project: Restaurant - Open Kitchen
Final Project: Open Kitchen (Close-up)
Note: I incorporated parts of my projects from this past semester and kind of showed the development of the project as it evolved. These renderings were completed in an extremely short amount of time. So there are lots of missing details. I shall put up my final portfolio projects, someday. :)
