What Some People are Calling: The "Snomageddon"

It started with what "I" felt like was a typhoon - winds gushing, snow showering, and doors pounding (yes, one of our cabinet doors in our backyard was unlocked).

 Front of the House

Side House View

Backyard 

Then, morning came (this was before the sun came out)!

17-18 inches of Snow!

This is my window view! 

Untouched snow! 

You can't even see the road anymore! 

White as Snow! 

Backyard Snow Pile

Mom getting ready to get down and dirty! 

I mean, shovel snow. :P 

 So Clean and Pretty!

Our Front Door 

Camouflage!

With the help of our neighbor, we were able to finish clearing our driveway in more than half the time it would have probably taken us to finish!

Happy Snow Day!

Future. Career. Job. => G/JC/HS <= Life. Living. Ministry.

I "pimped out" my blog page (it's fancy enough for a non-techy person like me) in hopes to actually have the urge to make good use of this. Still trying to find a purposeful goal for this page. Until that happens, I shall just ramble away like I usually do.

Recently, I've been having a lot of "future-plans" discussions with various people. Along with the X% of unemployed college graduates that are desperately trying to figure out life "as soon as possible," I too am eagerly trying to envision my future in the most suitable work field for myself. Unfortunately, simply "envisioning" my future job is not going to get me anywhere; in addition, to work in a desired work field and/or position requires time and experience, which are things most college graduates lack. 

After working as an overseas English teacher for the past two years, I realized how much thought, drive, and courage it really requires to actually pursue after a job, let alone a career, in something one truly has a passion for. For some people, this process happens so naturally that it almost seems like no intentional thought had been put into their planning, and they just happen to fall right in place when its the season to obtain an occupation. I'm all thought. I think about what I might be interested in doing. I think I have the skills to do well in a particular position. I think I have an idea with the direction I want to go into. I have neither drive nor courage though. And I think that's where my problem lies.

For me, I'm the kind of person that needs a purpose in order to be driven to do something. If the goal is not clear or worthwhile to me, I fall into an idle state that makes me impossible to move (a quality about myself that I'm not very fond of). Therefore, it is quite obvious that my future career would have to have a strong cause in order for me to offer anything into the work, for a long term at least. It is something I'm praying about, that my life's work would be something that is so important that it would move me to go even beyond what I can "envision" myself doing right now; and within this "grand" work, God's glory would be seen and Christ's name would be known. The question is, what would this work be? In what shape and form would this take place? God hasn't given me an answer yet. So I'll just have to wait, pray, and see. 

November 14: The Most Animal Filled Day I have Ever Experienced in A Long Time

For all you animal lovers out there, this post is for you. Personally, I'm not that big on animals. Besides the occassional doggy play internation with my friends' dog, my life has been animal-free since I owned a gold fish (or was it a turtle) when I was living with my aunt and uncle in junior high. As I grew up, pets and animals no longer interested me. Dogs are nice, and they're fun to play with from time to time, but the moment they slobber all over me with their wet slimy tongues, that's when I'm done--the end of all love and affection towards all dogs.

Lately, I've been surrounded by animal lovers, particularly dog lovers. Actually, I should say this close encounter with dogs really began in college. For some reason, people around me either have dogs or at least love dogs with great affection, and I must say, I think they're beginning to have an effect on me.

Feeling Like A Kid Again!



Doggy Play!!!....or, More Like An Attack!! JK.

Taiwanese Parents, Culturual Conflicts, and A Confused Identity

There's so much on my mind right now. Prior to the past 11 days, I've been working like I've never worked before--21 weeks of school, 1 three day weekend, 5 Saturday (6 day) work weeks , 2 weeks of winter school, and that's the bear minimum. I'll go crazy if I even begin to start thinking about how much more work is ahead of me after this Saturday (cuz I start working this SUNDAY)!!!! Therefore, I must get my thoughts out of my system before I let it get to me.

I'm not doing too well--physically, emotionally, and maybe spiritually as well, but that one is a bit more difficult to tell. I don't think I am in a terrible condition, but then again, does anyone ever really know how well they are doing? I mean, sometimes, due to circumstances, people just don't have time to answer questions like, "how are you feeling?" let alone think of an answer for such kinds of question. Prior to my entrance into the "real" world, my feelings, my emotional state, my spiritual well being was a high priority. I was surrounded friends and family that made sure I got my dose of "feeling check" reality, making sure that I was in line with whatever I needed to deal with at the time.

I'm not sure how much it is about being in the "real world" as it is about being in Taiwan, but my life, my attitude, my way of living has all changed drastically...eh...more like...terribly interrupted. It is as if God had pressed the pause button on my life in the States and transported me into another space for me to just aimlessly, at times emotionlessly (yes, I'm making up that word), live through this weird period of my life. Yes, I did choose to come here, but I did not ask for this kind of life. I no longer have time to take a breath and just breath in all that I have experienced, take in all the conversations I had, or process everything that I have observed and encountered. It's suffocating. And I realized, this is not me. This is not the life I can survive in.

I did, and I am, getting a lot out of this experience though. I'm not sure if I can put it all into words at the moment, however, I'll try my best.

Let's go with the most recent event first: Chinese new year visit(s). I wish I was more American sometimes—where I can bring myself to say the hell with tradition, the hell with buying gifts for strangers, the hell with relatives that I barely know! Not to say that Americans don't value tradition. However, the consequences doesn't seem to be as sever as it is in Asian culture (I'm not going to go into how, but if you're Asian, or a minority, maybe you can understand). No matter how discomforting, how annoying, how fake I feel when I partake in these cultural practices, I still do it. I'm not sure why I feel obligated to do these things, but it doesn't feel right to me if I dismiss it either. For instance calling and/or visiting relatives and parents' acquaintances are two of the cultural norms that I'm constantly reminded to do by my parents and aunt. Now, if I had stayed in the States my entire life, if my parents didn't decide to move back to Taiwan after my sister was born, I wouldn't be having this problem. However, this is how my elders justify their reasoning: "oh, but they've seen you grown when you were a kid" (direct Chinese to English translation). In other words, they know you and you know them...right.

All this goes back to the issue of my ever so conflicting Taiwanese American identity. Sometimes I fear that I'm never going to figure out how to balance the two. I often ask myself, Must I only choose one? Must one dominate over the other? Is it impossible for both identities to coexist? Am I the only one that preoccupies my mind with this? Some people probably already have their answers to such questions. Others might not even care to get such questions answered. As much as I wish I didn't have this frustration, a good portion of my life is about the cultural tensions that I am constantly hammered with. It's my reality, and it's unavoidable. Not that I had it all figured out when I was in the States, but being in Taiwan is making my head spin all over again. My irritations, annoyances, frustrations at work, with my relatives, and with this society all boils down to cultural conflicts. Every discussion I've had with my co-workers about the problems we have with our students and administration all lead to one answer, culture. The problem is the Chinese culture, one said. They can't think outside the box, said another. It's all about connections. They only care about the scores, the numbers. Tradition. Culture.

My head hurts now. Can't think anymore. I'm done. Sorry for the abrupt ending, but like all of my entries, there's not much point to them or food for thought. I'll write something more positive next time (cuz I do have a lot of great anecdotes to share)! If you're reading, whoever you are, thanks for making it to the end. Truly.

Purging

I've stop purging for awhile now (and no, I don't mean the bulimic type of purging). What I mean is, I've stopped dishing out my shit because my current life does not give me the time of day to even eat properly, sleep properly, or catch a breath of air--let alone allowing me to deal with my personal life issues.

Up until this past Thursday, I couldn't remember when was the last time I've actually dealt with my own emotions. I've been so concerned about others, caring for others' futures and current state in life, that I've completely put my shit on hold.

I broke down at work on Thursday. It was the first time where I could no longer hold in my anger and frustration. The school was asking for a tedious request from me, and that pushed me over the edge. I cried like I would use to cry front of my roommates after months of bottled up emotions. I unleashed everything (well, as much as I could), saying things that I would normally just keep to myself. It wasn't until then that I realized how long it's been since I've actually shared with someone my "true" feelings about anything (well, besides the daily rants about work with my co-workers). So much has been going on with me personally. However, I didn't realize it until that day because I've been working like a high-speed train, going at full force, working my ass off until I crashed. Even though purging out my frustrations at work helped to some extent, I still feel like "throwing up."

I've always had crap in my life, and with the help of Christ, I've always had no problems facing them. However, back in the States, I at least had the time and the people around me to deal with it. Now, I have neither. There's absolutely no one around me that can understand me completely and make me feel 100% comfortable enough to put my guard down.

I miss home. I really do. I miss my friends, my family, I even miss Downers Grove.

I miss my house. I miss my car. I miss my park.

I miss having long conversations with my girl friends (I miss you guys so much that I am even using the word "girlfriends"). I miss having random family meals at my relatives houses. I miss sleeping in the same room as my sister and throwing things at her in the middle of the night to stop her from snoring.

I miss the cool breeze and the orange/yellow trees of fall, the piercing wind of winter, and the warm fuzzy feeling I get when sipping a cup of hot chocolate in front of the fire place.

Yes, I miss home. However, despite the fact that I'm terribly homesick and that my job sucks the life out of me, I'm really grateful and pleased for being where I am in life. If I had not left Downers Grove, I wouldn't have met the people I've met, been as intrigued and inspired as I have been, and loved working with kids/teens as much I have in the past year or so.

I came to Taiwan not knowing what I wanted to do with my future. Now, it's becoming a bit more clear to me. My hope is, by the time I'm done with Taiwan, I can go back home with a concrete plan, a clear direction, and a great vision to push me forward and actually make an impact on the people around me. As for now, I shall continue to try to live life in such a way that would show, and allow me to share with others, my passion for kids, my heart for education, and my love for Christ.

This One is for All My Asian FOB Friends at Home

So for my 23rd birthday, I went all out Taiwanese style: all night karaoke (well, it wasn't exactly all night since I had to work the next day)!

This was the lobby of the karaoke place (doesn't it look like a hotel lobby?).

Apparently this place had like, I think eight to ten floors (probably more)! An entire building of people karaokeing away (and doing many other things that are not exactly appropriate to write about for this entry).

Early Christmas decoration (*Sigh* a reminder that I wouldn't be home for Christmas).


Welcome to the karaoke booth!


We provide a high-tech system for all your singing pleasures,


A flat screen television set with surround sound,


And...pizza?

Well, they didn't exactly provide the food, but no, you are not mistaken. What you are seeing is what they call, a pizza--topped with some kind of meat, green beans, and some other things that were obviously not worth remembering (oh, and if I'm not mistaken, I believe the white stuff on top was mayonnaise). Doesn't sound too pleasant, does it? All I can say, even though it wasn't as bad as it looked (or sounded), I would rather have a cheesy, greasy, and incredibly unhealth slice of Chicago deep-dish pizza, any day!

So just like that, I turned into a vibrant, fresh out of college, 24 year old adult. Wait, 24?

That was my reaction when I saw the candles. Apparently, once you step into Asia, you are to operate by the Chinese calender. So that means, once I had crossed into the borders of Asia, I had been transported into the future and lost a year's worth of life!!! (Ok, that was not funny AT ALL, nor did it make ANY sense! Nevertheless, I will keep what i just typed so that people can finally know what strange thoughts run through my mind sometimes. and i'm sure EVERYONE wants to know about that! Right...)

To be honest, I was taken back a bit by the sight of the 24 though. The idea of being 24 years old at this point in my life sounds...slightly depressing, mainly because nothing has really started in my life yet (at least, that's how I feel). and if I was "really" 24 years old, I would feel like I had wasted my early adult years. I have noticed though that people here have a slightly different perspective on age and all its associations--definitions and ideals of maturity, what is considered as "young," and more. I could go on with this, but again, not the most appropriate entry for this topic.

ANYWAYS, I must say, despite of not being able to be with family and friends, I had a good time that night--and I owe it all to Su-ning Jie Jie. She's been a tremendous blessing to me and I am truly grateful for all that she has done for me. I hope I can be a blessing to her as well.

So that was how I spent my birthday!

Yay for God! and Happy Birthday to Me!

FINALLY! COOLER WEATHER!

Paise the Lord! The weather FINALLY cooled down. I was finally able to take out my long sleeves and wear my jackets this week! The weather dropped down to around 18 degrees celsius(so around the 60s in fahrenheit?). Most places in Taiwan do not have heaters, so it can get pretty cold here. Even though I'm from Chicago, what makes the cold bearable is because of those heaters. So I'm not sure how I'll handle the cold. We'll just have to wait and see how I'll survive it when winter comes around.

Since it got cooler, my cousin brought me to this restaurant where people often go when it gets cold. Here are some pictures:


Ginger duck hot pot!

A pot filled with yummy goodness (tofu, mushrooms, cabbage, pork's blood rice cakes, duck meat, some rice wine, and LOTS of ginger)!!!!

Cousin Su-ning (notice how she's still wearing short sleeves? It actually wasn't THAT cold yet, but it was cold enough to go eat the hot pot)!

The two of us ate the whole entire pot by ourselves! I was quite amazed by how much we were able to eat. It was really good though. This was actually my third time eating hot pot in Taiwan. I don't have pictures from the first time I ate hot pot (which was less traditional but just as amazing), but I have pictures from the second time.

The next set of pictures was when my mom came to Hsinchu to visit:

Doesn't it look amazing! Mmmm meat! :)

Individual mini hot pots!

My attempt to get everyone in the picture, including the food.

Lastly, a picture of me and mom.