Unaccidental Randomness

Cathartic Lyrics

2011-11-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

[Hook: Cam]

[Verse 1: LeCrae]
I know a lot of people out there scared they gone die
Couple of em thinking they'll be livin in the sky
But while I'm here livin man I gotta ask why, what am here fo I gotta figure out
Waste my life
No I gotta make it count
If Christ is real then what am I gone do about
All of the things in Luke 12:15 down to 21
You really oughta go and check it out
Paul said if Christ ain't resurrect then we wasted our lives
Well that implies that our life's built around Jesus being alive
Everyday I'm living tryin show the world why
Christ is more than everything you'll ever try
Better than pretty women and sinning and living to get a minute of any women and men that you admire
Ain't no lie

We created for Him
Outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him
Jesus comes and raises for Him
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser
He made us so we could bless Him and to the world we confess him
Resurrects him
So I know I got life
Matter fact better man I know I got Christ
If you don't' see His ways in my days and nights
You can hit my brakes you can stop my lights
Man I lost my rights
I lost my life
Forget the money cars and toss that ice
The cost is Christ
And they could never offer me anything on the planet that'll cost that price.

[Verse 2: Dwayne Tryumph]
Armed and dangerous
So the devil jus can't handle us
Christian youth them a stand wid us
Livin' n driven
Given a vision
Fullfillin the commission he handed us
London to Los Angeles
Da rap evangelist
Ma daddy wouldn't abandon us
"I gotta back pack fulla tracts plus I keep a Johnny Mac"
So are you ready to jam with us
So let's go, gimme the word an let's go
Persecution let's go
Tribulation let's go
Across the nation let's go
Procrastination bes go
Hung on the cross in the cold
Died for da young and the old
Can't say you never know
Heaven knows
How many souls are going to hell or to heaven so we gotta go in and get em
Whaaaaat!

[Verse 3: LeCrae]
Suffer
Yeah do it for Christ if you trying to figure what to do with your life
If you making money hope you doing it right because the money is Gods you better steward it right
Stay focused if you ain't got no ride
Your life ain't wrapped up in what you drive
The clothes you wear the job you work
The color your skin naw we Christian first
People living life for a job
Make a lil money start living for a car
Get em a house a wife kids and a dog
When they retire they living high on the hog
But guess what they didn't ever really live at all
To live is Christ yeah that's Paul I recall
To die is gain so for Christ we give it all
He's the treasure you'll find in the mall
Your money your singleness marriage talent your time
They were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
That's why it's Christ in my rhymes
That's why it's Christ all the time
My whole world is built around him He's the life in my lines
I refused to waste my life
He's too true ta chase
That ice
Here's my gifts and time cause I'm constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ
If he's truly raised to life
Then this news should change your life
And by his grace you can put your faith in place that rules your days and nights.

Psalm 27 (NIV)

2011-08-29T12:14:00.004-05:00

Of David.

¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?

² When the wicked advance against me to devour me,

it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall.

³ Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me even then I will be confident.

⁴ One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

⁵ For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent

and set me high upon a rock.

⁶ Then my head will be exalted abovethe enemies who surround me;

at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the LORD.

⁷ Hear my voice when I call, LORD;

be merciful to me and answer me.

⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek.

⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;

you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.

¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

¹³ I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 139 (ESV)

2011-06-29T19:45:00.005-05:00

Search Me, O God, and Know My Heart

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

¹O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

²You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

³You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
⁵You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

⁷ Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
⁹If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
¹² even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

¹³For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book
were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

¹⁷How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

¹⁹Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
²⁰They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain!
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
²²I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.

²³Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
²⁴And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalm 19

2011-05-19T11:28:00.015-05:00

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

2 Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they reveal knowledge.

3 They have no speech, they use no words;

no sound is heard from them.

4 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world.

In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.

5 It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,

like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

6 It rises at one end of the heavens

and makes its circuit to the other;

nothing is deprived of its warmth.

7 The law of the LORD is perfect,

refreshing the soul.

The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,

making wise the simple.

8 The precepts of the LORD are right,

giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the LORD are radiant,

giving light to the eyes.

9 The fear of the LORD is pure,

enduring forever.

The decrees of the LORD are firm,

and all of them are righteous.

10 They are more precious than gold,

than much pure gold;

they are sweeter than honey,

than honey from the honeycomb.

11 By them your servant is warned;

in keeping them there is great reward.

12 But who can discern their own errors?

Forgive my hidden faults.

13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;

may they not rule over me.

Then I will be blameless,

innocent of great transgression.

14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart

be pleasing in your sight,

LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Diane and Her Cup of Milk

2011-02-21T14:39:00.010-06:00

Over the past two years, I had come across several kinds of student - angels and demons, and everything in between. Although there were quite a few "special" students that had walked through my classroom doors, the one who truly defeated me on my own turf was none other than the four-year-old:

DIANE!

This little monster was not only a brat, but she also knew how to get to your weak spots. She knew she was oddly cute, and boy, did she work it! She was adorably terrible (not the other way around), and so quick, not even the older kids could keep up with her. Fortunately, over the course of three months, I was able to get a hold of all her sass, tantrums and play, and started to grow a fascination with this girl. Whenever I had spare time, I would sit at the snack table and just watch her - eat, sleep, cry, you name it (creepers? Perhaps. But what kid does not like to get additional attention from their teacher?).

Diane was usually loaded with attitude and was too smart for her own good. However, on a particularly slow afternoon, there was a frightening calmness in the air - Diane was still and lovely. Like a potion that sinked her into a deep spell, Diane's cup of milk turned her into a beautiful work of art that was fascinating to watch in action. She was in her own world, giving no regards to anything else but herself and her delightful afternoon beverage.

After 20 minutes...

It never ceases to amaze me how kids can entertain themselves with the simplest things-such as Diane's cup of milk-with such satisfaction! I hope as I grow older, whether I'm on my own or with others, I would be able to face every minute of my day with such curiosity, innocence, and fascination to all the simplicities and complexities that life brings!

HAPPY MONDAY!

What Some People are Calling: The "Snomageddon"

2011-02-02T14:33:00.005-06:00

It started with what "I" felt like was a typhoon - winds gushing, snow showering, and doors pounding (yes, one of our cabinet doors in our backyard was unlocked).

Front of the House

Side House View

Backyard

Then, morning came (this was before the sun came out)!

17-18 inches of Snow!

This is my window view!

Untouched snow!

You can't even see the road anymore!

White as Snow!

Backyard Snow Pile

Mom getting ready to get down and dirty!

I mean, shovel snow. :P

So Clean and Pretty!

Our Front Door

Camouflage!

With the help of our neighbor, we were able to finish clearing our driveway in more than half the time it would have probably taken us to finish!

Happy Snow Day!

Future. Career. Job. => G/JC/HS <= Life. Living. Ministry.

2011-01-30T03:20:00.002-06:00

I "pimped out" my blog page (it's fancy enough for a non-techy person like me) in hopes to actually have the urge to make good use of this. Still trying to find a purposeful goal for this page. Until that happens, I shall just ramble away like I usually do.

Recently, I've been having a lot of "future-plans" discussions with various people. Along with the X% of unemployed college graduates that are desperately trying to figure out life "as soon as possible," I too am eagerly trying to envision my future in the most suitable work field for myself. Unfortunately, simply "envisioning" my future job is not going to get me anywhere; in addition, to work in a desired work field and/or position requires time and experience, which are things most college graduates lack.

After working as an overseas English teacher for the past two years, I realized how much thought, drive, and courage it really requires to actually pursue after a job, let alone a career, in something one truly has a passion for. For some people, this process happens so naturally that it almost seems like no intentional thought had been put into their planning, and they just happen to fall right in place when its the season to obtain an occupation. I'm all thought. I think about what I might be interested in doing. I think I have the skills to do well in a particular position. I think I have an idea with the direction I want to go into. I have neither drive nor courage though. And I think that's where my problem lies.

For me, I'm the kind of person that needs a purpose in order to be driven to do something. If the goal is not clear or worthwhile to me, I fall into an idle state that makes me impossible to move (a quality about myself that I'm not very fond of). Therefore, it is quite obvious that my future career would have to have a strong cause in order for me to offer anything into the work, for a long term at least. It is something I'm praying about, that my life's work would be something that is so important that it would move me to go even beyond what I can "envision" myself doing right now; and within this "grand" work, God's glory would be seen and Christ's name would be known. The question is, what would this work be? In what shape and form would this take place? God hasn't given me an answer yet. So I'll just have to wait, pray, and see.

November 14: The Most Animal Filled Day I have Ever Experienced in A Long Time

2010-04-16T20:32:00.002-05:00

For all you animal lovers out there, this post is for you. Personally, I'm not that big on animals. Besides the occassional doggy play internation with my friends' dog, my life has been animal-free since I owned a gold fish (or was it a turtle) when I was living with my aunt and uncle in junior high. As I grew up, pets and animals no longer interested me. Dogs are nice, and they're fun to play with from time to time, but the moment they slobber all over me with their wet slimy tongues, that's when I'm done--the end of all love and affection towards all dogs.

Lately, I've been surrounded by animal lovers, particularly dog lovers. Actually, I should say this close encounter with dogs really began in college. For some reason, people around me either have dogs or at least love dogs with great affection, and I must say, I think they're beginning to have an effect on me.

Feeling Like A Kid Again!

Doggy Play!!!....or, More Like An Attack!! JK.

Taiwanese Parents, Culturual Conflicts, and A Confused Identity

2010-02-16T08:20:00.000-06:00

There's so much on my mind right now. Prior to the past 11 days, I've been working like I've never worked before--21 weeks of school, 1 three day weekend, 5 Saturday (6 day) work weeks , 2 weeks of winter school, and that's the bear minimum. I'll go crazy if I even begin to start thinking about how much more work is ahead of me after this Saturday (cuz I start working this SUNDAY)!!!! Therefore, I must get my thoughts out of my system before I let it get to me.

I'm not doing too well--physically, emotionally, and maybe spiritually as well, but that one is a bit more difficult to tell. I don't think I am in a terrible condition, but then again, does anyone ever really know how well they are doing? I mean, sometimes, due to circumstances, people just don't have time to answer questions like, "how are you feeling?" let alone think of an answer for such kinds of question. Prior to my entrance into the "real" world, my feelings, my emotional state, my spiritual well being was a high priority. I was surrounded friends and family that made sure I got my dose of "feeling check" reality, making sure that I was in line with whatever I needed to deal with at the time.

I'm not sure how much it is about being in the "real world" as it is about being in Taiwan, but my life, my attitude, my way of living has all changed drastically...eh...more like...terribly interrupted. It is as if God had pressed the pause button on my life in the States and transported me into another space for me to just aimlessly, at times emotionlessly (yes, I'm making up that word), live through this weird period of my life. Yes, I did choose to come here, but I did not ask for this kind of life. I no longer have time to take a breath and just breath in all that I have experienced, take in all the conversations I had, or process everything that I have observed and encountered. It's suffocating. And I realized, this is not me. This is not the life I can survive in.

I did, and I am, getting a lot out of this experience though. I'm not sure if I can put it all into words at the moment, however, I'll try my best.

Let's go with the most recent event first: Chinese new year visit(s). I wish I was more American sometimes—where I can bring myself to say the hell with tradition, the hell with buying gifts for strangers, the hell with relatives that I barely know! Not to say that Americans don't value tradition. However, the consequences doesn't seem to be as sever as it is in Asian culture (I'm not going to go into how, but if you're Asian, or a minority, maybe you can understand). No matter how discomforting, how annoying, how fake I feel when I partake in these cultural practices, I still do it. I'm not sure why I feel obligated to do these things, but it doesn't feel right to me if I dismiss it either. For instance calling and/or visiting relatives and parents' acquaintances are two of the cultural norms that I'm constantly reminded to do by my parents and aunt. Now, if I had stayed in the States my entire life, if my parents didn't decide to move back to Taiwan after my sister was born, I wouldn't be having this problem. However, this is how my elders justify their reasoning: "oh, but they've seen you grown when you were a kid" (direct Chinese to English translation). In other words, they know you and you know them...right.

All this goes back to the issue of my ever so conflicting Taiwanese American identity. Sometimes I fear that I'm never going to figure out how to balance the two. I often ask myself, Must I only choose one? Must one dominate over the other? Is it impossible for both identities to coexist? Am I the only one that preoccupies my mind with this? Some people probably already have their answers to such questions. Others might not even care to get such questions answered. As much as I wish I didn't have this frustration, a good portion of my life is about the cultural tensions that I am constantly hammered with. It's my reality, and it's unavoidable. Not that I had it all figured out when I was in the States, but being in Taiwan is making my head spin all over again. My irritations, annoyances, frustrations at work, with my relatives, and with this society all boils down to cultural conflicts. Every discussion I've had with my co-workers about the problems we have with our students and administration all lead to one answer, culture. The problem is the Chinese culture, one said. They can't think outside the box, said another. It's all about connections. They only care about the scores, the numbers. Tradition. Culture.

My head hurts now. Can't think anymore. I'm done. Sorry for the abrupt ending, but like all of my entries, there's not much point to them or food for thought. I'll write something more positive next time (cuz I do have a lot of great anecdotes to share)! If you're reading, whoever you are, thanks for making it to the end. Truly.

Purging

2009-10-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

I've stop purging for awhile now (and no, I don't mean the bulimic type of purging). What I mean is, I've stopped dishing out my shit because my current life does not give me the time of day to even eat properly, sleep properly, or catch a breath of air--let alone allowing me to deal with my personal life issues.

Up until this past Thursday, I couldn't remember when was the last time I've actually dealt with my own emotions. I've been so concerned about others, caring for others' futures and current state in life, that I've completely put my shit on hold.

I broke down at work on Thursday. It was the first time where I could no longer hold in my anger and frustration. The school was asking for a tedious request from me, and that pushed me over the edge. I cried like I would use to cry front of my roommates after months of bottled up emotions. I unleashed everything (well, as much as I could), saying things that I would normally just keep to myself. It wasn't until then that I realized how long it's been since I've actually shared with someone my "true" feelings about anything (well, besides the daily rants about work with my co-workers). So much has been going on with me personally. However, I didn't realize it until that day because I've been working like a high-speed train, going at full force, working my ass off until I crashed. Even though purging out my frustrations at work helped to some extent, I still feel like "throwing up."

I've always had crap in my life, and with the help of Christ, I've always had no problems facing them. However, back in the States, I at least had the time and the people around me to deal with it. Now, I have neither. There's absolutely no one around me that can understand me completely and make me feel 100% comfortable enough to put my guard down.

I miss home. I really do. I miss my friends, my family, I even miss Downers Grove.

I miss my house. I miss my car. I miss my park.

I miss having long conversations with my girl friends (I miss you guys so much that I am even using the word "girlfriends"). I miss having random family meals at my relatives houses. I miss sleeping in the same room as my sister and throwing things at her in the middle of the night to stop her from snoring.

I miss the cool breeze and the orange/yellow trees of fall, the piercing wind of winter, and the warm fuzzy feeling I get when sipping a cup of hot chocolate in front of the fire place.

Yes, I miss home. However, despite the fact that I'm terribly homesick and that my job sucks the life out of me, I'm really grateful and pleased for being where I am in life. If I had not left Downers Grove, I wouldn't have met the people I've met, been as intrigued and inspired as I have been, and loved working with kids/teens as much I have in the past year or so.

I came to Taiwan not knowing what I wanted to do with my future. Now, it's becoming a bit more clear to me. My hope is, by the time I'm done with Taiwan, I can go back home with a concrete plan, a clear direction, and a great vision to push me forward and actually make an impact on the people around me. As for now, I shall continue to try to live life in such a way that would show, and allow me to share with others, my passion for kids, my heart for education, and my love for Christ.

This One is for All My Asian FOB Friends at Home

2008-11-21T06:26:00.000-06:00

So for my 23rd birthday, I went all out Taiwanese style: all night karaoke (well, it wasn't exactly all night since I had to work the next day)!

This was the lobby of the karaoke place (doesn't it look like a hotel lobby?).

Apparently this place had like, I think eight to ten floors (probably more)! An entire building of people karaokeing away (and doing many other things that are not exactly appropriate to write about for this entry).

Early Christmas decoration (*Sigh* a reminder that I wouldn't be home for Christmas).

Welcome to the karaoke booth!

We provide a high-tech system for all your singing pleasures,

A flat screen television set with surround sound,

And...pizza?

Well, they didn't exactly provide the food, but no, you are not mistaken. What you are seeing is what they call, a pizza--topped with some kind of meat, green beans, and some other things that were obviously not worth remembering (oh, and if I'm not mistaken, I believe the white stuff on top was mayonnaise). Doesn't sound too pleasant, does it? All I can say, even though it wasn't as bad as it looked (or sounded), I would rather have a cheesy, greasy, and incredibly unhealth slice of Chicago deep-dish pizza, any day!

So just like that, I turned into a vibrant, fresh out of college, 24 year old adult. Wait, 24?

That was my reaction when I saw the candles. Apparently, once you step into Asia, you are to operate by the Chinese calender. So that means, once I had crossed into the borders of Asia, I had been transported into the future and lost a year's worth of life!!! (Ok, that was not funny AT ALL, nor did it make ANY sense! Nevertheless, I will keep what i just typed so that people can finally know what strange thoughts run through my mind sometimes. and i'm sure EVERYONE wants to know about that! Right...)

To be honest, I was taken back a bit by the sight of the 24 though. The idea of being 24 years old at this point in my life sounds...slightly depressing, mainly because nothing has really started in my life yet (at least, that's how I feel). and if I was "really" 24 years old, I would feel like I had wasted my early adult years. I have noticed though that people here have a slightly different perspective on age and all its associations--definitions and ideals of maturity, what is considered as "young," and more. I could go on with this, but again, not the most appropriate entry for this topic.

ANYWAYS, I must say, despite of not being able to be with family and friends, I had a good time that night--and I owe it all to Su-ning Jie Jie. She's been a tremendous blessing to me and I am truly grateful for all that she has done for me. I hope I can be a blessing to her as well.

So that was how I spent my birthday!

Yay for God! and Happy Birthday to Me!

FINALLY! COOLER WEATHER!

2008-11-12T08:47:00.000-06:00

Paise the Lord! The weather FINALLY cooled down. I was finally able to take out my long sleeves and wear my jackets this week! The weather dropped down to around 18 degrees celsius(so around the 60s in fahrenheit?). Most places in Taiwan do not have heaters, so it can get pretty cold here. Even though I'm from Chicago, what makes the cold bearable is because of those heaters. So I'm not sure how I'll handle the cold. We'll just have to wait and see how I'll survive it when winter comes around.

Since it got cooler, my cousin brought me to this restaurant where people often go when it gets cold. Here are some pictures:

Ginger duck hot pot!

A pot filled with yummy goodness (tofu, mushrooms, cabbage, pork's blood rice cakes, duck meat, some rice wine, and LOTS of ginger)!!!!

Cousin Su-ning (notice how she's still wearing short sleeves? It actually wasn't THAT cold yet, but it was cold enough to go eat the hot pot)!

The two of us ate the whole entire pot by ourselves! I was quite amazed by how much we were able to eat. It was really good though. This was actually my third time eating hot pot in Taiwan. I don't have pictures from the first time I ate hot pot (which was less traditional but just as amazing), but I have pictures from the second time.

The next set of pictures was when my mom came to Hsinchu to visit:

Doesn't it look amazing! Mmmm meat! :)

Individual mini hot pots!

My attempt to get everyone in the picture, including the food.

Lastly, a picture of me and mom.

Symptoms of Home Sickness

2008-10-24T10:59:00.000-05:00

Symptom #1: mild case insomnia
I've been having trouble sleeping. Wherever I sleep, I don't feel at easy. Even though I have my own place now, I still don't feel at home. My bed, my room, everything feels and smells foreign and strange. The only reason why I've been able to fall asleep these days is due to exhaustion. My work load has not been too bad, but the English department of the school is a mess and so I've been thrown into a situation where all I can do is just deal with it and hope for the best.

Symptom #2: disorientation of time and space
I'm not sure if this can be considered as a symptom, but I'm going to count it as one anyways. Even though I've only been in Taiwan for just a little over a month, it feels like it's been months!!! I sometimes wake up thinking, "Where am I? Why am I in Taiwan in November?"

Symptom #3: intense cravings for home food
I WANT MY AMERICAN FOOOOOOOD! I've been craving for a grilled burger, mashed potatoes with gravy, pancakes, starbucks' seasonal pumpkin spice latte, and brownies with vanilla ice cream! If I had a kitchen and a vehicle that could bring me to a grocery store, I would so buy the ingredients and make them myself. Unfortunately, I do not have that luxury. Don't get me wrong though, I've been eating some grrrreat good over here. But I still miss my American foods!

One Month!

2008-10-18T22:06:00.000-05:00

As of yesterday, I've been in Taiwan for one whole month! It's been awhile since I stayed in Taiwan for over two weeks. I'm beginning to miss home quite terribly.

Work has been chaotic. It's a long story and time spent on the internet is quite limited since I haven't gotten my computer fixed. Let's just say, work is...interesting. It's not the greatest job, but I'm learning quite a bit. Not about the job, but about the field, about cross-cultural work environments, about the internation market, etc.

Unfortantely, I don't have the time to share in this entry, but I will most definitely share with y'all as soon as I have the time and internet access.

Learning My Way Around

2008-10-02T07:33:00.000-05:00

I find it funny how things turn out some times. I once hated English. Now, not only do I have an English degree, I'm an English teacher. Yup, I got a job today! What is also ironic is that I'm going to be teaching kids, little kids at that. Why is that ironic? Because I intentionally majored in English so that I wouldn't have to work with kids! That was not the only reason why I switched, but it was "a" reason. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE kids! I really do. I just didn't think I had the natural talent to actually work with them. I don't really know how to communicate with kids, at least not like some people I know. I'm not sure if the job is going to be long-term, but you never know. The school also has a cram school with older kids. So I might be able to work with those kids in the future.

I still don't know which "career" I want to pursue or what it is I want to do with my life exactly, but I'm beginning to think that it should not be a big concern of mine, at lest for now. Living here has changed my perspective a bit. I'm beginning to see that life does not necessarily have to be a certain way, and that alternative life styles aren't a matter of better or worse, but just different. Besides those people living the hustle and bustle of city life, most people in Taiwan live quite candidly. Actually, simple is a better word to describe the general life style here (although, there are certain things that they are much more open about). This kind of simplicity is quite different from the States. I'm not sure how to describe it. Even though the life style is simple, the culture is quite saturated, and complex. Taiwan is young in many ways, but it is packed with a rich history that clearly governs the way things are today.

As an American, there are many things happening here that I don't understand. And for the most part, people are understanding of my situation. However, I am constantly being reminded of the words that my uncle said to me upon the first day of my arrival. He said, "Now that you're living here, you have to learn about and act in the ways of our culture. You cannot use your American perspective and live here with your American ways."

It's been challenging living here, interesting at the same time. Racial discrimination, classism, gender identification, all of it takes on a different shape here. It's like I've been thrown into a social and cultural jungle, and all of the sudden, I'm suppose to know how to act and behave. People don't see me as an American here. At work, I'm suppose to be as "American" as possible so that the parents would not doubt the "authenticity" of my English skills. And when I'm outside of work, I'm suppose to be fully Taiwanese despite of the hesitant expressions on people's faces because I don't dress very Taiwanese.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I just needed to dish out some thoughts that's been preoccupying my mind these days. I have more, but it's already taken me a long time to type this entry out. So I'm done for now. Peace out!

A Few Facts

2008-10-01T06:37:00.000-05:00

Fact: God is faithful.
God has been revealing Himself to me here and there (not physically of course). Unfortunately, it's been tough tracing and following God's footsteps. I have no idea where God is leading me, or what He wants me to do here.

Fact: God provides.
I finally have an interview! It's tomorrow. I'm nervous, but...I don't know. I try not to think about how I'm feeling because it does me no good. If I think too much, I will begin to fear that I wouldn't get the job and will have to continue to feel the way I've been feeling, stuck and clueless as to what I'm doing here.

Fact: I need prayer.
I've been here for 13 days. 77 days till my visa expires. In the next 77 days, I need to get job, find an apartment, check-out churchs, and learn how to live in Taiwan on my own!

(I meant to post this yesterday, but I decided to post it today anyway)

IT'S BEEN ONE WEEK ALREADY!!!

2008-09-26T02:12:00.000-05:00

Yup! I've been in Taiwan for a FULL week now. It already feels like I've been here for awhile. During the first half of the week, I traveled to three different counties and five different cities, rod on the Taipei MRT buses and subway for the very first time, and ate as if I haven't eaten food for months! Now I'm in Sun Moon Lake, waiting and planning out my next steps.

So far, I would say my experience in Taiwan has been...interesting. I've been using this word a lot these days. Even though I have lived in Taiwan before, and have visited a couple of times while I was in the States, there is never a dull moment in Taiwan. For instances, people speak really loud here. When they speak fast, it seems like they're yelling or fighting and I LOVE IT! It seriously is a Taiwanese thing. Chinese people probably talk loud too, but Taiwanese people sound loud AND mean when they are in an intense conversation! The kids can be so rude here, it's great! I know it seems odd for me to say that, but I can't help but chuckle whenever I hear kids shout with all their might and demand for something like they rule world. I laugh because those kids remind me so much of myself when I was a kid.

I don't know why, but kids here are on such opposite extremes. They are either really quite, gentle, and obedient, or they are mean, demanding, and tough. I don't know why kids feel like they have to behave this way. When I moved back to the States in junior high, I remembered thinking to myself, "What was wrong with me? Why did I feel that I had to be mean all the time?" There has to be a cultural or social reason for this. With time, I'm sure I'll be able to figure something out. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

I'm not a blogger

2008-09-22T05:02:00.000-05:00

There are reasons why I stopped blogging:

- it takes up too much time
- it requires too much effort (at least for me it does), and...
- it gives me unnecessary stress (the thought of people reading my writing and thoughts makes me incredibly nervous)

HOWEVER, since I'm abroad now, I GUESS I need to considering the ones who actually care about what goes on in my life. SO, here is an invitation for all ya all who desire to read the random observations I make and the thoughts that go through my mind (and trust me, there's more than I can ever share). I hope you guys will appreciate it cuz it's more for you guys than anything else! To show your love, dropping a line once in awhile would be grrrreat!

Thanks!
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